Been There
by alwayskayla
Summary: Tony is a strong guy, but everyone has moments in their lives when it feels like everything is crumbling in at once. TIBBS SLASH- the non-explicit variety. This could definitely be read as gen, though. Read warnings inside!


A/N: God, this is angsty as shit. Hurt/Comfort… I don't usually go there, and I'm still not exactly sure what happened with this, but whatever. It's here & it's a oneshot. Tony is a strong guy, but everyone has moments in their lives when it feels like everything is crumbling in at once.

*SPOILER if you don't know things, don't read this next paragraph. The story in general is spoiler-free, but the set-up is not.***

Perhaps whatever happens to close out Ziva's story is traumatic for the whole team. There are lots of ideas about what is to come. Pick one that leaves Tony in a bad bad place, and this is what happens.

Spoiler over.

Warnings:

This is Tibbs slash. Except there is nothing even remotely graphic and it could honestly be read as a gen fic, but I intend it as slash or pre-slash.

Very major trigger warnings. (Descriptive talk of nervous breakdowns, depression stuff.)

OOC moments.

Angst everywhere.

Disclaimer: NCIS never has been, nor will it ever be mine.

Been There

Pouring out my heart. I'm pouring out my heart and I can't stop. Can't stop the words. Can't stop the tears. Can't stop my breathing. So fast. I'm breathing so fast but I can't catch my breath. Spinning. The world is spinning, spinning, spinning. I know I'm going to fall down. Know the punch-to-the-gut is coming as I head for the floor. I see the concrete coming closer to my face but my vision starts to blur and dim. Darker, darker, darker… Why is it so dark? Why can't I see? It doesn't matter, really. I want to brace for the impact I know is coming but my body feels like jelly. Muscles won't do what I'm screaming at them to do. It's a desperate kind of indifference. Body stuck in limbo. Between a blissful uncaring existence and something so intense and full of emotions that I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm still falling when I lose consciousness completely. Something stops me from smacking the concrete, but at that moment I'm already too far gone to notice or care.

I don't know how much time has gone by. I'm awake but I don't open my eyes. I listen. I hear a crackling fire. I hear the steady breath of my companion whom I have a suspicion hasn't left my side. I feel warm. His body heat and the warmth of the fire couple to warm me to a calmness I haven't felt in a long time. He knows I'm awake, and that's okay. I need to feel my surroundings before I open my eyes and get the full rush. It's like waking up from a nightmare… when your eyes are still closed, there is this moment of calm realization as you find you aren't being chased by a grizzly bear. The longer you can stay in that moment, the easier it is to accept. He waits for me. His hand on mine- his thumb making slow, calming circles.

Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes and take everything in. He had managed to get me up the stairs and onto the couch. I was lying on my back, my legs on top of his. His hand still held mine, and he was watching me with a calm curiosity.

"Thank you," my voice is hoarse and my throat dry.

"Been there," he said evenly.

"And?" I needed to know that I would be okay… I knew that, somewhere, but I needed to hear him say that. And I think he knew that.

"It gets better. It's slow… tedious, but you _will_ _survive_ _this_." His words punctuated the air. I was reminded of the time he ordered me to live when I was dying from the plague.

"And if it doesn't? If I'm…" I struggled to find the right words and my gaze fell to somewhere away from his piercing gaze, "If I'm not as strong as you?"  
His grip on my hand tightened effectively bringing my eyes back to his, "You're stronger, Tony."

"But," having none of that, he cut me off.

"But, I'll be here for when you don't think you are."

I looked at him crookedly.

"Not goin' anywhere," he said pointedly, "not ever."

And somewhere inside of me the healing started. Because I believed him. I believed that he wouldn't let me go through this alone. He'd been in this dark place that I was lost in and he knew the way out. He knew it was so much easier with a guide, and he knew I wouldn't trust anyone but him. He didn't _want_ it to be anyone other than him. I shook my head in understanding.

"Alright," he said as he stood up. I immediately felt the loss of his warmth so I stood with him, "Come on. We both need a good night's sleep."

"You're right. I should get home," I said, and I must have let the disappointment seep out because he quickly countered that.

"What part of "Not goin' anywhere," did you not understand, DiNozzo? You're staying here. You won't sleep alone. I won't sleep worrying about you. And," he moved closer and took my hand back in his, "when you wake up in the middle of the night and everything comes rushing back, I want to be beside you. You'll know it's all okay when you feel me beside you."

"Thank you," it was all I could say because I knew he was right. I knew I would wake up reliving it all in my dreams like I had every night, and I knew if I felt him there – my anchor, my tether to this fragile world – that I would _know_ I was okay.

So we made our way to his bedroom, we undressed to our boxers, took turns in the bathroom, and then we unceremoniously climbed into his bed. There wasn't any snuggling. Gibbs is not a snuggling man. He was there, and that was enough. I felt him, heard his calm breath, smelled his scent, and if I opened my eyes I could see the outline of his profile. He was there, and it would be okay.

I slipped into unconsciousness before long, but it quickly became a fitful sleep. All my demons… past and present teamed up on me in my dreams. It was unfair, really. It was never the same. There was always something new to face. I usually felt like my feet were dried in concrete. No matter how hard I tried to run, my legs wouldn't cooperate. Sometimes I would fight back, sometimes I would just cower back and hide my eyes like a child who believed the monsters couldn't see him if he couldn't see them. Sometimes it worked. Usually it did not.

I burst out of the dream and sat up in bed. Gibbs instantly awake, hand on my back- not moving, just _being_ there. His other hand found my chin and he pulled me back to reality with his gaze.

"Hey, I'm here. You're here. You're okay. Breath," he coached me calmly back down. He pulled me back from the ledge with his chronic calmness and his warm voice.

Exhausted, I collapsed into him and we sank back into the bed. I had been wrong before. Gibbs could be a snuggler when you needed him. Protective arms wrapped around me and I settled into his chest. I fell into an almost peaceful sleep. The demons were still there, but Gibbs protective embrace held them at bay so I could rest. If I was going to fight this, I needed my strength. We slept the rest of the night, and got up ready to face a new day.

End.

Thank you for reading,

Kayla


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